She Who Loves Garfield

The thing is, Delores is a really nice girl. You have to be some modicum of 'nice' in this industry, you put up with a lot. You also have to have a spine, and hers is firmly in place. I liked Florence from the moment I met her, dark-haired and straightforward and tattooed. Still, it's a disappointment when you first meet someone and you think you're going to be excellent friends, and it comes out in the fold that niceness and gumption do not a tolerable person make.

I would never judge Delores for having a 2 year old at the age of 21. I only barely know her situation, and well, I'm 'nice' too, that's why our paths are crossing. She and the other caregivers are very patient with me, so I was immediately endeared to her. Still, as I continue to do overlap shifts with her, I'm realizing that she's not nearly as cool as I first thought her to be.

She's the kind of person who always has to top your story. Look, I'm not trying to tell you that my life was sadder than yours, I'm just furthering a conversation about high school by noting I lost a dear friend in a motorcycle incident. That was the first time I'd ever been to an open casket funeral and hopefully my last. I didn't tell you how I shut down emotionally, how I still feel things are unfinished between he and I. All I said were that Christian funerals can be awkward.

I don't need to see you get teary about your cousin that died years ago, talking about how you can't go sailing because he loved sailing, hear the name 'Earl' in a song because it's his name or look out at the window at passing cars without sobbing because he did that occasionally… six times. The first time or three I'll nod sympathetically. After that, okay, I get it. It's a ridiculous form of logic but I get it. I suppose I should never eat because my Opa was doing that all the time before he died. Or breathe air. Come on now. I'm sorry you miss your cousin. I know he was like a brother to you. But is it the best way to honor his memory to avoid all the things that remind you of him and bring it up constantly to one-up someone in conversation and make them feel awkward and foolish?

She also has horrible taste in TV shows. Reba is actually pretty good, but Boy Meets World loses it's appeal after you hit puberty and you realize, hey, this is pretty fucking awful.

(Aside: When I visited Japan I saw an episode of Boy Meets World dubbed in Japanese. It was awesome.)

This bad taste came to a terrible head while she was reading the comics in the newspaper and expounded, "I love Garfield!"

I had to fight myself not to be sarcastic. Do you? Do you really? Are you eleven? I didn't realize anyone not eleven loved Garfield. I mean I suppose you could read it to our senile client and she'd get a kick out of it, but otherwise, are there adults who still read it? Really?

I wisely decided to shift the conversation. After all, there have been some good newspaper comics. "You know what I really miss? Calvin and Hobbes. It really captured my imagination as a kid, but now I read it and it's hilarious. I'm so sad that Bill Watterson retired."

Delores looked up from her paper and said, "You know what I miss? Marmaduke."

Fucking Marmaduke. Another comic featuring Crazy Animal Antics. I hadn't even noticed it stopped running.

I was pretty much staring her with abject horror at this point.

Slowly, I turned to watch the awful Some Like it Hot rehash that was the episode of Boy Meets World on the TV. I barely spoke to her the rest of the day.

I'm such an asshole elitist. Guess my 'niceness' doesn't extend to pop culture.